In response to Bob Costas’ plea for banning guns:
Tumblr Patrons, please join me in a call to ban projectiles of any type. This will include any loose item that can be hurled by a human hand to injure persons or property. Bricks, rocks, dirt clods, chairs, snowballs, dodgeballs, frisbees, small animals (stuffed or live), martinis and their ilk have to go! Rocks are dangerous and have been proven to lead to violence when in the presence o
f groups of protesters Chairs and bar stools lead to excessive drinking and malicious activity in public- even on television! Bottles are notoriously connected with blunt force trauma and fuel-fires. I propose a ban on any container that will hold flammable liquids or combustible material. Furthermore, any machine capable of being controlled by human beings that rolls, flies, or floats must maintain a killswitch that will render it inoperable if it comes within 1000 feet of another human being exhibiting anger. Tools and anything that produces heat or fire shall be included in this ban. Stand up for your right to avoid potential harm from inanimate objects! Ban loose items! Restrict fist making or karate hand forming in crowds of more than one! Ban hard shoes and feet! Put an end to teeth and mouths and pointy things! Out with snarkiness, sharp-edged wit and loaded comments! Say no to potential energy! This has gone far enough!